


Through the stomach

by Felidae5



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Humour, Not really romantic, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:14:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24168679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Felidae5/pseuds/Felidae5
Summary: In retrospective, Kaiba decided that this had been a bad idea. But it was just food, right? What could possibly go wrong?
Relationships: Jounouchi Katsuya | Joey Wheeler/Kaiba Seto, maybe kinda crush
Comments: 7
Kudos: 17





	Through the stomach

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The chilitester](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/619585) by Roy Adam/various/unknown. 



_Through the stomach_

It had been Jounouchi's idea to come here.  
The blond had bragged about this new 'Chili Joint' that had opened in downtown Domino; the very first of its kind in the entire prefecture.  
He had praised the guacamole, called the fajitas a 'godsend' and insisted that the chili was 'to die for'.  
Of course, his friends had grown curious and Yuugi, being the kind, polite person he was, had asked Kaiba to tag along.  
Of course, the CEO had refused, which in turn had made Jounouchi grin that Kaiba couldn't handle the heat.  
And of course, Kaiba had risen to the challenge, declaring that he could palate any amount of spice, if the dish was expertly prepared.

This is how Kaiba came to be seated in front of a bowl filled with something that looked like molten lava had regurgitated a cow.  
Jounouchi, who sat opposite him, surrounded by the nerd herd, smirked.  
_He_ had ordered his usual; stating that the first time he had tried it, it had almost killed him. Naturally, Kaiba sneered at that and ordered the same. Jou blinked, then asked for extra guacamole and some yoghurt for Kaiba.  
Plus a big glass of milk, which he then placed next to the brunet's plate.  
Kaiba scoffed.  
"I don't need any kind of counteragents to finish a simple bowl of chili. I am not _that_ weak."  
Jou paused.  
And then a quiet smile, soft, gentle, nigh on benevolent, spread across the blond's features.  
"Have it your way," he replied, and picked up his spoon.  
And that's when Kaiba should have realized that he was in trouble.

He froze in shock.  
The very first spoonfull steamrolled over his tastebuds and rendered his entire oral cavity numb for all but three seconds, and then the pain set in.  
Scatch that, somebody had obviously dropped a can of sulfuric acid into his bowl in an attempt to burn off his tongue.  
He swallowed and coughed, eyes tearing up.  
Yuugi-tachi looked at him. The king of games asked,  
"Seto-kun, are you sure, it's not too spicy?" Kaiba shook his head and swallowed the next bite.  
Not. A good. Idea.  
"It's fine, I was just -taken aback, how they managed to keep it this-authentic."  
Again, he took another bite, despite his jaw muscles trying their best to clamp his mouth shut.  
Jou, who was already halfways through his bowl, grinned.  
"Seriously, moneybags, I'd advise ya ta drink your milk. It's really-"  
"I don't need advise from a bonketsu like you on how to eat chili," growled Kaiba, as he scooped up the next load,  
"rest assured, I am far more resilient to bird's eye peppers than you."  
To proof his point, he fished around the stew until he balanced two tiny pods on his spoon.  
He pushed them in, bit down and swallowed without tasting. Unison, Jou's, Yuugi's and Honda's eyes widened, even as Anzu clasped her hands before her mouth.  
Jounouchi parted his lips, paused, closed them again, then rasped,  
"Kaiba. They're _ghost peppers_."  
Kaiba's entire world stopped.  
Oh gods.  
_Ghost_ peppers?  
An they only decided to tell him that _now_?  
Even before he had finished the thought, he could feel sweat breaking out over his entire body, as his esophagus threatened to constrict. Simultaneously, his gums around the teeth that had severed the peppers began screaming bloody murder.  
He coughed, gagged discreetly, then coughed some more.  
By now, his face was bright red, his nose ran, his ears tingled and every breath felt like inhaling liquid fire. Jou worried his lip, then said,  
"Honto, Kaiba, ya should really eat some yoghurt, it helps."  
Kaiba glared, tears threatening to spill, ready to tell the blond to mind his own business. Opening his mouth -when had the air turned to liquid glass?- he meant to tell Jounouchi off.  
"..chHHcchhcch.." was all that came out.  
He coughed again, and this time his eardrums protested, when the spicy vapours from his throat traveled up his pharynx and spread like literal wildfire.  
Oh gods, had they dumped battery acid into the pot? Kaiba breathed through his nose; so this is what it felt like sniffing tube cleaner.  
By now, everything was on fire; his hearing was fading, his vision was turning fuzzy and red at the edges and his stomach was revolting.  
Yuugi-tachi looked on in concern, Jou holding out the glass of milk, but everything seemed warped, and then vertigo set in.  
Kaiba lived through eight seconds of utter terror, when faced with the possibility that he might be physically sick. The combination of the chili and his own gastric acid would most likely burn a hole through the floor, eat away at the gas pipeline and turn the entire banchi+ into a raging inferno.  
The brunet began to tremble ever so slightly from the sheer amount of willpower he needed to force the contents of his stomach down.  
By now, he was panting and gasping like an astmathic dog in heat, and for a moment he opted sucking off the fire extinguisher.  
Great, now he could feel his heart beat arythmically; was it possile to suffer a cardiac event due to chili?  
Jou said something, Yuugi said something, but it was all just senseless barble. Oh hey, there was a bar, right? He could just buy off their ice cube maker and stick his head inside, forever.  
Strong hands pushed him down and upright in his seat, then tilted his head back and pinched his nose closed. Something slick, soft and heavenly cool was pushed inside the lower part of Kagu-Tsuchi's° rectal passage his mouth had become, and Kaiba swallowed gratefully.  
Breathing.  
He could breath.  
The room was no longer tilted.  
His heart beat regular.  
Words made sense.  
Given, his ears were still twin volcanoes, but at least they had stopped bleeding.  
If they ever had. He couldn't tell.  
But at least he was coherent enough to accept the second spoon of yoghurt Yuugi fed him.  
Kaiba was saved. The dairy product would diffuse the chili's hellish venom and ease the pain. As soon as it was past his stomach and being dige-  
All colour drained from Kaiba's face.  
"Ne, Seto-kun, daijoubu ka?"^ asked Yuugi worriedly.  
Jounouchi's brows rose; _that_ was the expression of someone who just realized that somehow the chili had to exit, too.  
Cold sweat ran down Kaiba's pale face, and then his stomach began to gurgle.  
Abruptly, the CEO shot up from his chair and marched briskly direction the bathroom. Yuugi made to follow, but Jou held him back with one raised hand.  
"Trust me, Yuug', ya don't wanna be anywhere near Kaiba for the next two hours."  
A couple of minutes later, a few men exited the restroom and quietly complained to one of the waiters to "not feed the newbies the grown-up's menu."

"Moshi, moshi."  
"Hey, Yuugi, it's me, Mokuba. O-genki desu ka*?"  
"Mokuba, glad to hear from you. I'm fine, thanks. Are you guys ok? I haven't heard from or seen your ani since our night out four days ago. He came out of the restroom, paid our entire tab and left."  
There was a pause, then,  
"Yeah, about that..Seto called the driver and had him drive him to the ER."  
"Matte, matte, the ER? But, why? Is he sick? Did something happen?"  
A deep sigh, then,  
"O-nii-sama had his entire gastro-intestinal system surgically cleansed. He's fine so far, but doesn't want to talk about it. But he keeps mumbling something about Jounouchi and a bet."

And on the other side of town, said Jounouchi rummaged through his meager wardrobe, searching for something to wear to his upcoming first date with Kaiba Seto.  
Truly, the way to a man's heart is through the stomach.  
One way or another.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°  
This is highly inspired by the classic, but ever-funny story 'The Chilitester'. If you haven't read it, do so now. Just be warned, it has been known to cause severe laughing fits.  
Also, I suffered through something similar. I once swallowed a bird's eye pepper, contained in a beef stew, whole, thinking it was a cherry tomato. It..was not a fun experience.

+banchi: (house)block  
°Kagu-Tsuchi: God of fire, son of Izanagi and Izanami, who's flaming body caused his mother Izanami's death.  
^Ne, Seto-kun, daijoubu ka: Hey Seto, are you ok/feeling well?  
*O-genki desu ka: How are you?


End file.
